


Grunt's Object of Misery

by ArcticLucie



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Adorable Grunt, Confusion, Crack Treated Seriously, Grunt being clueless, Light Angst, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect Kink Meme, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 04:45:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3161702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArcticLucie/pseuds/ArcticLucie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A 'newborn' Grunt is bewildered by a strange object Papa!Shep brings onboard. Is it a torture device, something edible, another species? Will he solve its mysteries before the object of his misery become his tomb? But most importantly, what does it taste like?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grunt's Object of Misery

**Author's Note:**

> This is a short fill for the KMeme that asked for an alien to have an encounter with a beanbag chair. Just couldn't resist!

It was an idle Tuesday and something was puzzling Grunt.

There was something new in the lounge, something he couldn't identify, something that was driving him crazy as he tried to figure what the hell it could possibly be. 

In place of one of the chairs sat a big, pink, round, sphere-like object of mystery. Shepard had brought it aboard after their last trip to the Citadel, but he didn't bother explaining what it was. Grunt wasn't that inquisitive—it wasn't Krogan nature to be—but he had this compulsion nagging in the back of his head to uncover the enigma.

If he knew Shepard, it was some sort of Human torture device. But he dismissed that right away. It wouldn't have been in the lounge if it was. It would have been in the shuttle bay or someplace he wouldn't mind getting blood everywhere. 

_Looks squishy...._

The first time he saw it, he immediately turned around and walked back out the door as fast as he could. He almost knocked Joker over in the process. 

"What the hell, big guy?" the helmsman had said, flustered as he gripped the handles of his crutches.

"Forgot something," Grunt mumbled as he hightailed it back to his room down on deck 4.

At first glance, he thought it was a Hanar or something. A species he hadn't been told about before, perhaps? He wasn't sure why he ran away. The thing just screamed "Foreign!" and he panicked. It was okay, he was still an infant, as Shepard kept reminding him, but he wasn't about to admit to himself that the thing scared him.

If it was some sort of alien, he didn't care to know it. He had a hard enough time remembering everyone's name on the ship—everyone's except Liara's—and keeping the alien species straight was a pain. He didn't want to have to deal with remembering anything else.

No one had said anything about a new teammate, so he figured it wasn't part of the crew. Maybe it was Shepard's new pet. He knew the Commander liked animals, what with the fish and hamster and Garrus aboard. _Heh, Turians...._

The second time he saw the thing, it was in the exact same spot leading him to think that it wasn't alive at all. Although, there was something different about it. In stead of the round shape it had previously, there was now an indentation of some sort in the side of it. The convex shape was easily visible and extremely confusing. Maybe it needed to be fed.

He wanted to ask Shepard about it. What it was? Why it was onboard? Where'd it come from? What did it tasted like? Things like that. But he was only two weeks old and he figured that if he kept asking the Commander silly questions, than he'd get kicked off the ship, so he kept his mouth shut.

The third time he saw the thing, it was in a completely different spot. He didn't know how it moved; the thing didn't have legs, none that he could see anyway. On second thought, that could have been the booze. He was pounding the ryncol that night, but making sure to keep it within his line of sight as best he could.

The fourth time, he intruded on it/him/her/them and Shepard sharing an intimate moment. The Commander was sitting on its lap reading a datapad. Shepard had looked up when he heard the door open and smiled with all those teeth of his. 

"Hey Grunt! How's it going?" he asked.

"Fine," he mumbled before making a hasty retreat. He didn't want to interrupt. 

The fifth time, it was Miranda sitting on its lap. He gave her a growl because he didn't like the idea of her moving in on Shepard's territory. He knew then that he'd have to tell Shepard about it. Shepard was his friend—his surrogate father—and he knew he couldn't keep something like that from him. He went in search of him right away.

"Shepard, I think there's something you should know," he grumbled. 

"Oh?" said the Commander, raising an intrigued brow.

"Yeah, uh, I was just in the lounge and I saw....Miranda was sitting on your...."

"The bean bag chair?"

"It's a....chair?"

"Yes, Grunt. It's a chair. What did you think it was?"

"Your mate?"

"Ha, Grunt you make me laugh! I told you that if you had questions about anything to ask me. It's no big deal. I like teaching you things," he said, smiling warmly. "Give it a try if you want. It's actually pretty comfortable."

He left Shepard's side feeling like a stupid pyjak. It was a damn chair! Who gets freaked out by a damn chair? He didn't deserve to call himself a Krogan. At least no one else knew how stupid he was. Shepard wouldn't tell his secret, that he knew.

Needless to say, the mystery was solved, but that didn't mean he was going to like the thing. Who puts beans in a chair anyway? And he was still wondering what it tasted like! What the beans would taste like...his stomach rumbled. 

The sixth time he saw what he now knew was a chair, he decided to give it a try. Why the hell not? Might as well face his fears, and if nothing else, he could take a little nibble. 

The lounge was empty, so no one would ever know. 

He sauntered over to the bright pink 'chair' and carefully eyed it over. He nudged it with his toe and sneered. After he was satisfied that it was in fact a chair—not that he would doubt Shepard—he slowly lowered himself onto the squishy round thing full of beans. 

Shepard had been right, it was quite comfortable. So much so that he fell asleep in the thing a few minutes after he sat down. But it couldn't have been the chair, Krogan didn't slept on things that were soft. He only fell asleep because he had had a long day.

That's what he would tell everyone when he woke up.

There was a crowd gathered around the chair when he did, soft smiles looking down at him as he started to stir. Shepard was front and center, head cocked to one side, a playful smirk on his smug face, hands clasped behind his back like he was at parade rest. 

Grunt let out a growl, mostly of embarrassment, and went to get up.....but something was wrong....

He paniced! He thrashed about, he couldn't move, the chair had a hold of him, he was trapped, stuck, held captive by a damn chair! He had been right, it was a human torture device! Shepard had tricked him! And he was going to die in that chair, in its death grip!

He struggled about, flailing his arms, kicking his legs, trying desperately to free himself from the device's grasp. But the more he struggled, the more stuck he became, the further in it pulled him. His breathing shallowed, his eyes widened, and the worst part was that everyone was laughing at him, laughing at the big, baby Krogan about to die in the big, pink chair full of beans!!

And just when he thought the end was near, Shepard reached out his hand and threw him a lifeline.

"I should have warned you that it's hard to get out of," smirked the Commander as Grunt took his hand to free himself from its clutches. 

The joke was on them, though. He immediately turned around and ripped the beans right out of their casing, destroying the big, pink, round, sphere-like object of misery. 

And the beans....they tasted like cardboard.


End file.
